Saturday, February 09, 2008

Another one of my insights...

Life can often be described by several crossroads and some dead ends. Sometimes we have too many choices. Sometimes we are forced to pick one option over the other. And sometimes that option leads us through a road which lands us in a dead end. Sometimes a narrow beam of hope springs us alive. And again sometimes the gloom takes over our very essence of life.

I wonder if life can ever be perfect, or the way we want it to be. I am sure every one of us would have some complain or the other. We would often say "I wish I could change this chapter of my life". And these are the chapters which prevent lives from reaching our notion of perfection.

And so the very truth is, life is not perfect. There are days of high and low; there are times easy and hard. There are weeks we shatter and we repair. And the worst thing probably is, the easy times seem to drift away so soon; but it is the hard times that stick along all the time.

I feel like reflecting on my life since I came here in Tempe. Life has been really variegated: with tough times and little sweet memories. It has been an altogether different life, totally on oneself, trying to build an identity, trying to survive the life of a PhD student and experiments with other aspects of life. Yeah, I would call them experiments. Because you never know one of those chapters of life until you lead it. And if not a surprise, then yeah some of those experiments turned out something I probably would never expect. Some for the good, and some for the bad. Although it is the bad which sticks through; and I am okay with it, because it helped me learn about life probably. And the good, obviously it kept me alive!

Sometimes certain things come very expensive; I am talking about the ambitious career decisions I have made yet. I had to leave several of those chapters behind which were nice. And had to take up several of the other dark chapters, because the ambition cost it. Today, I am torn between several dimensions. But one dimension I know; the dimension of my ambition has always stuck together with me. It has let me justify all those dark chapters, sometime, somewhere. And also helped me learn to complain less about the so-called imperfect life. As long as this ambition lets me justify life, I would continue to make choices, shatter and repair even through those dead ends.

I guess this is what individualizes me after all...

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