The Inside Explanation

I have mostly been thankful about the decisions I took in my life. They have fitted very well in life along the course of time; even those circumstances which you did not really want to encounter. Life makes it up over time anyway. Life just goes on. You either find alternative sources of happiness or you just get used to it. In a way, precisely life just gets fine. Isn't it the biggest adventure and mystery life has? Probably yeah!

Life just goes on. It finds a way. And I think I found that way - the pleasure in research. The adventure to leave a mark in the world even after you are gone.

Life doesn't await anyone. Though life just gets more and more complex. But it definitely finds a way. And what I learnt is that, we should put attention to only things which deserve attention. Life is short and there is no scope to wander away on things or people who have departed from you at some point of time. They don't deserve it, especially if they caused you pain.

I look forward to life, and I am happy with my state of things - more, because I am moving towards what I really wanted in life. It is a sweet pleasure, although sometimes it means getting away from a host of other things. Life after all, always find a way; and it is always a positive attitude, especially when you know the things or people responsible for your hard times don't deserve any attention, or time or even the least degree of thought. Sometimes life should be led extremely selfishly.

I have found the philanthropy in selfishness. I am happy and would be happy. Don't give a damn to anyone; no tears; no emotional turmoil. I have set out on a voyage which is much more demanding; and I don't care who have given me pains along the journey.

Duties and responsibilities springing from the extreme bottom of heart are the things which make life meaningful. Things which wander away really needed to be so. And I am happy they are that way!

What is it about the whole Women Empowerment?

I am going to write about a very serious social issue which needs immediate remedy. However, I am writing not to present a solution, which is very difficult, rather to put forth a few customs and reasons which are preventing a remedy to come up.

The issue is about women's empowerment. I could be poles apart from some of you in the views and thoughts I am going to pour down here, yet I believe it would be a worthy read and food for thought for anyone, man or woman.

Tell me, how many festivals do you know in which men fast, often oriented towards wishing "better life" for some woman? The reverse is very common, at least in Hinduism, as far as I know, women would often fast either for their husbands, or their boyfriends or their brothers. Have you heard of any guy fasting for his wife, mother or sister? Tell me if you have.

I am not against fasting, which are often inter-twined with a religious norm. It is a personal choice. But the motivation is important - important because it often defines customs in our society. Since eons when women in India have been fasting for men ever since the tender age of probably 13, how many of them actually knew why they are fasting at all? To get a good husband? Bull shit. To pray for brother's long life? Also bull shit, if fasting could increase the life span of people, then why invest billions of dollars in medical research?

It is not the fault of those young 13 year old girls who even at 25 fast, for days together, thinking they are doing some holy act (better could have been working for some charity!). But what is ironical is that, theoretically all such women are decently educated and are holding respective jobs somewhere or the other. However, the inside motive to fast or to submit to a man still exists: may be to their ignorance.

One problem lies with the flawed education system. However many degrees a woman might get, given today's "equal opportunities", she needs to have an ear to learn. Degrees don't mean anything until the education helps one to think logically, to distinguish between right and wrong based on her own thoughts and to enlighten herself. Unfortunately this is not happening with the current education system. Gargantuan degrees she might attain, at the end of the day she would go back home and keep "Karwachauth" for her husband. But, does the husband do so as well? If he did, I would know this is affection. However, things are often uni-directional.

The other problem lies with a girl child's upbringing. Parents often think that marriage is the ultimate goal for a girl, however educated she is, however established she is, however better she is from a whole bunch of men. But why? Why does a woman have to need a man to make her life complete? Why is a woman supposed to be a good cook to establish that she is the ideal woman? I don't see a reason; because I believe, my life is quite complete and any man in it would be quite redundant. I am a good cook as well and my motivation never sprang from a desire to be better known among men. Marriage should be something which can make both the man and the woman better, or the same if not worse by considering it as the "goal of life".

Parents have to think differently while bringing up a girl child. It is a bigger challenge than bringing up a guy, given the current social bias of male-domination in most places. Parents need not instill their own bias of right and wrong in their kids at a tender age. This hinders their mental growth and the ability to take their decisions by themselves. And when such a girl with dependent thoughts grows up to be 25, she invariably needs another person (possibly a husband) to take decisions for her. This is unfortunate.

The societal gender bias will never go away until and unless there is significant change in our education system and parental upbringing at home. The tradition of fasting is only one of the many such examples which is hindering women's uplift, intellectually and socially.

I went to the Grace Hopper Conference this year too and I met all kinds of women. I met the very ambitious and successful ones and I also met the ones who clamor women's rights but at the end of the day go back home and leave their jobs for thier husbands or in laws; or change their ways of life for them. Changes are fine, as long as they make you a better person or mark something good for your neighbor or for the society at large. Unfortunately this is often not the case.

I realized one thing. The hue and cry about women empowerment won't make any sense till the day women themselves realize the need for it in their lives (note, not as a social responsibility), start to think independently, shun borrwed ideals which probably they themselves cannot justify and break out from the realm of thought that they are "women" and so a different class of treatment.

May be I made some sense to you all. Or may be not. But ever since the conference was over, I have been thinking this wide and deep. And I just poured them down over here. Hope the women (and men) who read this could share this thought with me. And be better parents to their girls tomorrow: parents like my parents had been to me - parents who gave me the room to breathe, to think, to take my own decisions and to be courageous enough to tide over difficulties, should something in life go wrong.

Self-esteem, original-thoughts and mental-resilience are three things the woman of today needs. Then there is no need for any sort of empowerment.

A little piece of good news!

Just to share this piece of good news with all my readers! I got a scholarship acceptance for the Grace Hopper Conference for Women in Computing (2008) which is in Keystone, Colorado (90 minutes drive from Denver, CO). I will be traveling there and presenting the technical poster which was accepted there earlier.

I am extremely passionate about encouraging ambitious young women pursuing wonderful careers and I find this conference to be a great budding ground promoting this. A related blog post about my thoughts on this issue and the conference can be found here.

Apart from everything else, I would get an opportunity to explore a new state Colorado which is supposedly among the most beautiful states in the country!

Quoting "We Build a Better World"

There have been three major instances in my life when I felt the ardent need for a stronger women representation in the research community. And those were the times that made me think the role I could play in contributing something towards promoting this gender diversity.

The first instance was when I attended a major conference Workshop to find out that I was the only female presenter there. And when on the second instance, one day I came across the list of 100 most genius living people in the world, to my utter dismay, I found out that there were less than five women in the entire grand vista. And the third instance was last year’s Grace Hopper conference in Orlando, when I was moved to ecstasy to hear Frances Allen as the first female recipient of the prestigious Turing Award in its forty years of illustrious history.

One of the biggest challenges I always faced ever since I joined the Doctoral program was the under-representation of women in the Department. I am not happy enough when my friends and acquaintances console me saying that I am doing great in my career being a girl. For, I believe talent is genderless and unbounded by the deep-grained biases we have about women not being competent enough. There is an ardent need, I feel, to strike a change to our society and such realm of thinking that it entails.

A conference like Grace Hopper comes as a great rescue to my motivation – a dream where every woman would consider herself competent enough to take to the list of the 100 most genius living people! I believe it would be a great opportunity to meet, get inspired and in turn motivate other fellow companions who have taken the courage to tread the challenging path of being a woman researcher.

The conference could play a great role inviting greater number of women to paint together the colorful sky of research, irrespective of considerations of race, color, creed or societal bias.

It is not always the technical contribution that matters...

Enough has been said time and again whenever the topic of the first ever solely women Computer Science conference Grace Hopper came into discussion with most of my male friends. It is unfortunate but most of them find it difficult to digest the very idea of it.

I know it is strange. It is something which was not ever done before, and something which is like re-writing history for most women gatherings round the globe. When I attended the conference last year, it was a record with 1,400 women attending it - the largest women gathering in the world!

Let us move beyond facts and figures. Anybody reading this, irrespective of gender, would agree how minuscule is the women representation in engineering, coupled with the size of the women community in research. When I was in college, women representation was less than 15 % in Computer Science. This is really unfortunate, given the fact that population-wise men and women counts are almost comparable.

Most of you would say, women probably aren't smart enough. I won't repeat the cliched feminine dialogues. I agree women don't much have a technical bent of mind (of course there are many exceptions to this) - in fact, they are more creative in different ways. But as I stand being part of a really creative research community, I see that many women could make a lot of difference, because they are creative. Nevertheless, sadly, when I went to PerCom in 2007, I was the only woman speaker in the whole Workshop session!

Coming back to the point of Grace Hopper. This conference is a little different from others - its primary goal is not really making a technical contribution, rather it is a platform where in an aspiring woman struggling to find her unique identity in the society gets an opportunity to meet other aspiring women who think alike. It is also a great way to meet successful women - I got to meet the first woman Turing Award winner in the world when I went to the conference last year. And this wasn't the end. Meeting other successful women and learning their stories is a big moral support to many of us wanting to make a difference.

I am not saying let it be a all woman world - or similar things like woman dominated world. Any gender dominating the other seems strange and against the way the world evolved and Nature exists. Man and woman are two sides of the same coin - two inherent aspects of life. No one can exist without the other - this is as much true biologically as it is in every other mundane aspect of our lives and civilization.

I just wish to see something much lower down than this big picture - I want to see a research community luring both genders equally and a reasonable gender representation. And Grace Hopper is a wonderful means to feel encouraged. After all it made me really feel, "I Invent the Future."

A Tribute...

Many a times, since the time I think I have matured in the perception of everyday petty yet profound things, I have been continually amazed at the relationship we share with our parents. I believe it is one of the most unique relationships a person ever cherishes in life.

We do not realize the meaning of being a daughter or a son till a certain age or maturity level arrives unto us. Sometimes we do not at all. The difference, talking in the Indian culture, custom and tradition context, being a parent not only imparts a sea of responsibilities, but also deals with it an automatic evolution of maturity which is just enough and a lot for the grooming up of a human being of tomorrow.
People round the world spend day in and day out in search of some God, some spiritual power. The reason: God is the ultimate self. God is the one who is omni-potent and He is the one who virtually controls, rules and takes care of the world. For example, in the Hindu epics, there is a notion of Lord Vishnu, who is said to be the 'Palak' or one who rears the Universe. Now, I am not talking of looking for a God or God-like personality around us. I am astounded as to how people cannot see the God in their parents! Talking of being a 'Palak", yeah, they are the one who groom up a little kid since its birth into a complete human being of tomorrow!
Again, people in the mundane world get upset over their best friends betraying them or some of their friends not looking up to them the way they expected. No wonder, I have also faced the same set of circumstances. But I have always found my parents beside me through all thick and thin. I now know, parents are the best friends.
After all this revelation even after knowing how much they have done for us, how many sacrifices they have done smilingly and how much we owe to them, are we as their kids, really able to live up to fulfilling all their expectations or at least ensuring them a beautiful later life? Perhaps yes sometimes, perhaps not always. We get so busy with our lives that we forget about some of our responsibilities we owe to the people who have been most responsible for us throughout their lives.
The Indian kind of relationship we cherish between parents and kids is astonishing. I think it is one of the unique of its kind in the world. I do not think any relationship ever had more colors than the rainbow, more threads intertwined than the finest cloth or more meanings associated than the world's largest thesaurus! It is such a commonplace feature, but every sunrise and sunset I feel I am amazed more than I was yesterday! If you ask me what my greatest wish and tribute would be, I would always say, "to be as strong as they have been, to be as responsible as they are, to have the degree of tenacity, to cherish in myself the whole horizon of forgiveness that parents shower on us on our biggest misgivings!"